By Eustace C. Jackson.
November 6, 2016.
Knock knock! Who’s there? Sisters. Sisters who? Sisters in Misery. And then the door opened to three women – Hillary, Melania and Huma, spouses of men who have behaved, or who are behaving badly.
During a regularly scheduled press event in the 2001 NBA season, Philadelphia 76ers great, Allen Iverson was asked a question regarding his well known disdain for practice. Iverson went off like lit fuse, coining a phrase that has become a part of the folklore in the annals of American professional sports. “Practice? Practice?” he fumed, “we’re talking about practice?” “Whaaat? I can’t believe we’re talking about practice!” Etc, etc. He was upset that a player of his stature was being chided publicly about evading something as trivial and inconsequential as practice.
And so in a similar kind of way, Eustace poses the question, “Weiner? Weiner? We’re talking about Weiner?” “Whaaat? It’s just a few days to the critical and historic elections and we’re talking about Weiner?” Unfortunately, indeed we are. And again, unfortunately, if you’re talking about Weiner anytime in the last 5 or so years, it can’t be for good.
In summary, former Democratic Congressman from New York, Anthony Weiner, a firebrand and expressive politician, sullied himself when in 2011, he inadvertently shared the pictures of his “weenie,” albeit behind the cover of his underwear – thank goodness! That eventually led to his forced resignation from Congress, giving we the people a few blissful Weiner-free years. Weiner resurfaced in 2013 when he declared his candidacy for the highly coveted position of Mayor of the “Big Apple,” NYC. We the people are many things. Forgiving is one of them. We believe in second chances and we love the comeback story. Plus Weiner was beloved by his loyalists (Eustace included) for his feisty and combative ways, especially in his famously contentious interviews on Fox News.
His beautiful bride, Huma Abedin by his side, Weiner’s mayoral campaign took off in good stride and showed some promise. A seemingly reformed Weiner went around apologizing for his past social media indiscretions and we the people received him with open arms, with a clear message of redemption that may have read something like “Weiner, yes indeed you did screwed up, but you have done your time and you appear to be contrite and if beautiful Huma has forgiven you, who are we to cast aspersions? Just please stay on the right track and don’t do it again!” And then the news broke. Using the screen name “Carlos Danger,” Weiner had returned to his deviant social media ways. He cleverly tried to conflate one with the other in a brazen attempt to misinform we the people. Huma stood by as he gave yet another apology. Poor Huma. But not this time. The jig was up.
Weiner was subsequently relegated to babysitting duties. That was when something really absurd happened. Not only did Weiner turn yet again to his wayward ways, some of his nefarious pictures included the image of his (and Huma’s) son sleeping in the background! The late great Maya Angelou said “if people show you who they are, believe them.” Weiner is a creep (of a low grade cadre), pure and simple. Eustace has him at a 3 on the CCS (Cosby Creepy Scale, 1-7). While he may be deserving of your ire and disdain, Weiner is also deserving of your compassion. Why? He clearly needs medical intervention, plus he more-than-likely – ok, definitely – hasn’t gotten any from Huma or anyone else in a looooong time!
Plus this rate of recidivism tells the story of an out-of-self control dude. So with the elections just a few days away and we’re talking about Weiner? Really? Seriously people? Well, again unfortunately, we are. Why? Because Weiner is being investigated by the FBI on the suspicion that he conducted his lewd perverted shenanigans with an under-aged female. In the course of the investigation, the FBI happened upon a slew of emails between Weiner’s now estranged wife, Huma and her boss, a certain Sec. Hillary Clinton. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t have been hair-raising considering that spouses oftentimes share computers at home. But oh no, not this time. Not where Hillary is concerned. Not with this FBI. Not with FBI Director. Today there’s demonstrable evidence that the FBI top dawg, James Comey, sat on this discovery for some weeks and in an egregious display of impetuosity, tactlessness and insubordination, Comey wrote the Congress, to inform it that his people had discover ed a batch of emails that may or may not contain “pertinent” information to advance the hitherto completed and closed investigation of Sec. Clinton’s email brouhaha. So therefore, the “Comey letter” concluded, the Hillary email investigation is reopened. Only 11 nights and 10 days before a historic election no less! The Comey Letter is so untoward that it deserves it’s own article. One clear result of The Comey Letter is the resuscitation of a reeling Trump campaign and that is “pertinent” to this conversation! Thank you Weiner!
Enter The Whiner, Donald J. Trump, aka Manchild. Much has been written by us and others about the content and fact-free campaign of the Manchild. This is a very important election of historic proportions on many counts. First, a female contestant will very likely sit (not kneel) in the Oval Office (cheap shot but factual). For the first time. This angle, Eustace thinks, is one of the great under-reported stories of this election. Less than a century ago, women weren’t even allowed to vote! Why this isn’t headlining perhaps, Eustace thinks, is possibly because this isn’t a particularly shining accomplishment considering we’re finally catching up to such countries as the UK, Germany, Norway, Australia, Brazil, Jamaica, Argentina, Ecuador, the Philippines, India, South Korea, Thailand, Israel, Pakistan and Liberia, among others. Thank goodness we’re a neck ahead of Russia, China, North Korea and Iran! That said, it’s long overdue and we’d take it anyhow we get it.
A Trump victory, however unlikely, would also be historic – mostly for the wrong reasons. Were he to win, Trump will be the first person ever to be elected POTUS without having previously held an elective position prior. Girls and boys, think about that and let it stew for a bit. Ok, that was a trick pronouncement. Many opponents quickly point to Dwight Eisenhower, our 34th president, as a counter pronouncement. And they’re right. The Trump inexperience is much much worse.
Our first presidential election was held in 1789, when George Washington was essentially selected as he ran unopposed. John Adams was his VP. The election lasted about a month from December 1778 to January 1789. After his 2nd term, Washington resisted and dispelled every attempt to make him President-for-life or crown him king and gracefully bowed out. From our first president to the present time, we the people have never elected to the position of POTUS a person who has neither served in our military, nor has fought in a war, nor has served in a prior elective position in service to others. Add to that his litany of immoral and unjust propensities, which include dishonesty, avarice, stiffing the small guy, insensitivity, intemperate, lack of basic empathy, Trump University, misogyny, racism, bigotry, moral decadence and a putrid disrespect of women, as reinforced by the unveiled Access Hollywood tape, among many others and you’d get the picture of a man who is completely unworthy of public trust of any kind. We the people, having figured out the real Donald Trump (his twitter handle is therealDonaldTrump) began to defect enmasse. Republican politicians started to utter such absurdities as “I’ll vote for Trump but I don’t endorse him,” whatever that means. Trump’s campaign was clearly on it’s last legs with no more straws to grab onto, that is until the FBI threw him a lifeline.
Before this new lease of life, Manchild Trump dove to a new low. In a grotesquely unprecedented display of bratty delusion, Manchild mounted a relentless assault on our 240-year old democracy. He began a campaign of calumny, premised on his deranged charge that the whole electoral system is rigged and compromised and the only way he’d lose is if the election is somehow stolen from him. What a whiner! Many other examples abound. Hillary pointed out on the debate floor that when his reality tv show didn’t win a certain award for a third consecutive year, he accused the awarding organization of rigging the award. What a whiner! When the Comey Letter infused lifeblood to his dying campaign, Manchild did an about-face, heaving praises on a “courageous” Comey and declaring that the system is not as corrupt as he previously thought. What a whiner!
His philosophy embodies the following character flaws:
1. Winning is everything and must be achieved by all means, no matter who’s ox is gored along the way.
2. If you don’t win, then you lose. And if lose, then you’re a loser – a subhuman specie of mankind.
3. Winning all the time is Trump’s birthright.
4. If Trump isn’t winning, then there’s “something going on” and the entire system is rigged. Absolutely.
What a whiner! And alas, he’s about to lose. Yes, Manchild is about to become a loser and in a most public kind of way. Manchild is about to become the loser who lost very publicly. To a girl no less! She won the day and ensured that we’re not saddled with a foul-mouthed whiner-in-chief! That’s right girls and boys, introducing to you, the next POTUS, Madam President HRC, our 45th President.
Enter The Winner, aka Secretary Clinton, former First Lady of the great state of Arkansas, former FLOTUS, former Senator from New York and former Secretary of State.
Hillary Clinton is the most famous female human on earth. Much has been written about Hillary by us and others. To write more today would be repetitive regurgitation. But repetitive regurgitation we must, because a lot of important points bear repeating.
Straight out of the prestigious Yale Law School, when most people could’ve and probably should’ve and most probably would’ve written their own checks, working at swanky law firms anywhere in the world and what did Hillary do? She signed up with the Children’s Defense Fund, advocating the causes of children on such matters as juveniles being incarcerated with adult criminals some of who are serving time for crimes against children. She then moved on to a gig where she educated ethnic minorities on the electoral process and then assisted them in voter registration efforts. As First Lady of Arkansas, Hillary spearheaded a highly successful and acclaimed education reform. As FLOTUS, she led the effort towards Universal Healthcare despite the fierce head winds from the “vast right wing” conspirators. She came out of that battle badly bruised and settled for a program that insures 8+ million children to this day. A dedicated feminist, Hillary has incessantly advocated women’s causes , declaring at a Beijing event and above the objections of the hosts that “women’s rights are human rights and human rights are women’s rights once and for all.” As Senator from New York, Hillary fought for the welfare of the first responders and victims’ families and as Secretary of State, she traveled far and wide to repair our damaged image and mend strained relationships.
In fairness to Manchild, he wasn’t sitting idly by in this same timeframe. Donald, a child of the privileged was accumulating deferments from serving in Vietnam, he and his father were staving off and settling on allegations of racial discrimination regarding their rental property – on two separate occasions. Then he started to build his real estate empire buoyed by a significant inheritance. He got married thrice and sired five children. Yet he felt the need to impersonate himself so as to brag about his sexual conquests. He palled around with shock jock Howard Stern probably a bit too much. He then launched a racially laced so-called “Birther Movement” where he hounded and harassed President Obama into proving that he was indeed born in America. Other than stiff people along the way either by not paying contractors or by foistering on the people such scams as the fraudulent Trump U., he blew up the fledgling USFL, patronized cheap Chinese steel to the detriment of our steel industry and repeatedly used cheap illegal and guest-worker labor on his building projects. While ranting about fleeing jobs, he has his array of self-branded products in 13 countries, none of which is named USA! And then courtesy of “the tape,” we now know for certain that he also spent an inordinate amount of time, groping and grabbing unwilling women by their vaginas (he used much more vulgar terms) and moving on married women “like a bitch,” his words not Eustace’s!
Plus the wide knowledge chasm between the two was laid bare on the debate floors. So considering this stark side-by-side, why is this even close? You don’t know? Well, you’re in luck because Eustace knows. Girls and boys, chauvinism is alive and well. Sexism is alive and well. Misogyny is alive and well. And there’s the ever lurking “right wing” conspirators. And there’s FBI Director James “Letter Writer” Comey, who btw, today, 9 days after his previous letter wrote Congress to inform lawmakers that oops, no there there per Hillary’s emails, leading Manchild to intensify his whining ways. What a whiner! And who knows what else.
Eustace gets many things, but this energetic (unreasonable) opposition to Hillary, isn’t one of them. Eustace however takes joyful solace in the providential intervention in this race. How so Eustace? Well, because the stars seem to aligned just right because quite possibly, only a candidate as flawed as Manchild can Hillary beat. And she will! By how much? May depend on the Letter Writer and his letters. But win she will and a fine president she will make! Eustace just hopes the naysayers would admit their misjudgement and fall in line for 2020!
In the final analyses, first Weiner, Huma and Comey. Eustace is reminded of several teachings of the Holy Book, which call out the hypocrisy of calling out the flaws of others, unless of course it’s Manchild Trump, in which case it’s justifiable! Weiner is in dire need of medical intervention of psychiatric genre. And some loving! Weiner O Weiner, Eustace and the great people at The Geest wish you well.
Huma Abedin. Huma has been by Hillary’s side pretty much her entire adult life from when she interned with Hillary at 19 and for the 22 years since (let’s suffice to say she chose the right Clinton to intern with and we’ll leave it at that). Huma is reputed to be very smart, very knowledgeable and fiercely loyal to her boss. She’s also veeeeery easy on the eyes! Ok, better than that – she’s a very beautiful woman. At the end of the day however, Huma is human! That is the only way to explain how such a gem ended up with Weiner. Speaker Nancy Pelosi verbalized this notion when she attributed Huma marrying Weiner as an error in judgement on her part! Huma, you deserve much better and maybe if Weiner stays with the program and actually get’s well, who knows? If that were to happen Huma, please insist on a name change! “Weiner” simply won’t work! And make sure all his gadgets have parental control. If this sounds probationary, that’ll be because it is. The possibility of this scenario might be remote at best. How much can anyone bear? Huma is human!
Director James Comey. Comey will be analyzed very thoroughly in a post-election article. The physically towering Comey is reputed to be tough, honest and uncompromising. But if you cough up a string of tactless errors, one starts to wonder if those aforementioned qualities are sometimes overrated – for some positions that is. An attorney by training, he earned his glowing reputation when he, as Deputy Attorney General, openly stood up to GW and his minions on the contentious matter of warrantless surveillance that resulted from the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Now he heads our FBI and seems to have some difficulty differentiating the two positions/roles. Speaker Pelosi recently remarked that perhaps he (Comey) might be in the wrong job. From Eustace to Madam Speaker: touche, touche!
Hillary and Trump – together. Eustace and others have flogged this horse rotten, so Eustace will be judicious with his words, for a change! And here it is. Winners don’t whine and whiners don’t win!
And finally girls and boys, let’s forget Weiner, let’s do away with whiners and let’s celebrate winners! Hello Madam President!
Oops, one more thing. Hello hello girls and boys and how are you?
And the people said:
Koboko: Crooked Hillary is a lie. Empty Trump isn’t. And the empty Trump makes the loudest noise! And it’s all noise. To be silenced in a couple days. Hooray! Hooray!