By Eustace C. Jackson.
October 18, 2016.
Girls and boys, here Eustace comes again. These are turbulent times, with worldwide terror attacks on the rise to the point we’re almost becoming desensitized to the daily news of terrorist events. Here at home, in addition to record-setting terror attacks, we have seen a widening rift between our law enforcement and the policed, primarily as a result of their (law enforcement) alleged heavy-handed treatment of and sometimes wanton killings of people of color. While The Geest strongly condemns the reckless and perhaps sometimes malicious acts of an insignificant few, we condemn in the strongest possible terms the cowardly and despicable attacks on our brave and selfless police men and women who even in the best of days, inherently put their lives on the line to ensure the safety of ours. Girls and boys, Eustace begs of you, if hear or see anyone – including family – who expresses a homicidal animosity towards our police or anyone for that matter, please say something. Please do something. Because ALL lives matter! We can’t imagine life without law enforcement and we sure don’t want to find out.
That said girls and boys, let’s pivot to the matter at hand.
Manchild who? Manchild Trump! Other than launch his campaign by lambasting Mexicans and promising a mythical wall on Mexico’s dime, he has gone on to disparage everyone else,including a disabled journalist. He makes the juvenile arguement that he’s a “counterpuncher” which is essentially a code word for a septuagenerian blowhard, with a surprisingly thin and permeable skin, who won’t let the slightest of perceived slight slide by. His toxic views and attitudes towards women, as reinforced by the recently unveiled video, coupled with the rising tally of women who have come forward to confirm his unintentional mea culpa, has, in Eustace’s opinion, lands him on a comfortable 5 on the Cosby Creepy Scale (1-7). But that’s a story for another time. Eustace asserts that Trump is a child inhabiting the body of a 70-year old man! Don’t take Eustace’s word for it. Hear it from the current Mrs Trump, the elegant Melania Trump. In dismissing the crude and putrid language spewed out of he r husband’s mouth as mere “Boy Talk,” Melania went on to elaborate that she’s committed to raising her two boys – 11 year old Baron and the (mentally and maturely) younger DJ. Trump is a Manchild. And Manchild is he! Anyone dissenting, say “nah!” Silence? That’s what Eustace thought! From now henceforth, he shall be known as Manchild, by unanimous consensus! Circa 2006, the Boss of Bosses gathered her direct reports in Conference Room 1 and wrote the following words on the whiteboard and I quote: “A rolling stone gathers no moss. Discuss.” And discuss we did.
To Eustace, this was an easy and straight forward discussion of a very familiar proverb. But alas, what a teachable event it turned out to be. Bill W. presented a diametrically opposite viewpoint from where Eustace stood. You see girls and boys, a rolling stone doesn’t stop for long enough to gather any moss, so this idiom can have a positive or negative connotation, entirely depending on how you view one specific item – moss!
After the May 3rd Republican primaries in the Hoosier state of Indiana, something unexpected happened. Texas Senator Ted “Phillie Buster” Cruz, he of Canadian birth and of Cuban roots, the he who has not a single pal among the 99 coworkers who know him best, he who led the charge to shutdown the people’s government, yes, he of the Tea Party fame, the last ray of hope for the #nevertrump folks, albeit a dim one, yes yes, him, surprisingly threw in the towel! Yes indeed, he did! Considering Cruz’s poor position at the time, “why was that surprising?” you ask. Here’s why. It was surprising simply because Cruz had repeatedly stated that his campaign would neither retreat nor surrender and would take the fight all the way to the RNC convention floor. We believed him, not because he’d particularly a bastion of honesty (lying Ted), but because in a sickening and sadistic kind of way, that man does keep his word, especially in his frequent obstructive and destructive efforts.
Cruz didn’t leave the race a happy camper and made sure to fire a few verbal salvos on his way out. He called Trump a racist bigoted misogynist, who is intimidated by strong succesful women such as his (Cruz’s) wife Heidi. He then called Trump a narcissist and a serial philanderer. Yawn, yawn, did we the people, no epiphany there. Teddy boy, please tell us something we don’t already know. And then he did. He alluded to Trump’s bout(s) with venereal disease(s). Yes, sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea and syphilis. Eustace expected this to get some well deserved play in the days after, but he seems to be the only one who saw and heard Cruz make those remarks! Ted Cruz had every reason to be sour and sore. Ted Cruz, who Senator Bob Dole referred to as being cataclysmic, is no beloved figure. A career persona non grata who doesn’t let any opportunity to make enemies pass him by, as he aptly demonstrated from the podium of the RNC convention. Cruz isn’t one you want to play chicken with. Generally unflappable, Cruz isn’t one to cower in the face of opposition. Except that Manchild is a different calibre of irritant. Manchild started by needling Cruz by questioning his eligibility to serve as POTUS, on account of his foreign birth, which btw isn’t a settled matter (ie SCOTUS hasn’t adjudicated the matter). You already know that the father of the “Birther” movement is very versed in this tactic. He then (successfully) labeled him a dishonest “lying Ted.” Girls and boys, Manchild was only getting warmed up. He then retweeted an unflattering picture of Heidi Cruz, the wife of Ted, to his 11+ million followers. Then came the guillotine. When our beloved President Kennedy was assassinated in the Grassy Knoll in Dallas in November of 1963, our nation fell into a period of deep mourning.. When suspect Lee Harvey Oswald was gunned down on live tv, by a vengeful loonie in search of vain glory, the conspiracy mills entered a high gear, churning out theory upon theory, charging mostly that Oswald didn’t act alone. Although the Warren Commission performed a lengthy and exhaustive inquiry and concluded that Oswald acted alone, the rumors and counter arguments raged on. Seasoned film producer and director, Oliver Stone, in his epic movie JFK, further advanced the conspiracy angle, so the competing viewpoints remained in play. That is until Manchild put the matter to rest when he informed the conspiratorrial universe to look no further – Oswald’s co-conspirator is none other than Ted’s father, the Cuban born Rafael Cruz!
So was the atmosphere going into the Republican Convention.
Before we proceed further, Eustace feels it necessary and appropriate to pay our last respects to the political aspirations of a certain Carla Fiorina. Ever since she was shooed of her plush job atop HP, she’s made several futile forays into the political arena. She had either backed the wrong horse (McCain), or has lost in her own rights (trounced by Barbra Boxter in Senate race). So of course the logical next step was to run for POTUS! She presented herself as the ultimate outsider (who ever said you can’t win for losing) and offered to bring her extensive business prowess to bear in the Oval Office. Her campaign didn’t really take off and she ultimately pulled out. However, in an unprecedented act of desperation, Senator Cruz selected Ms. Fiorina as his VP running mate, during a losing primaries race. The stunt didn’t work and Fiorina literally fell off the stage during Cruz’s concession speech. Eustace means she literally fell. And it gets juicier gals and guys and you m ust youtube it. As she lay on the floor right beside him, Cruz cast a quick glance her way and…… .. (drum rolls) walked on by! Didn’t even offer a helping hand – just kept on walking! We may yet see her face again, or her persona. Either way, Fiorina gets a solid “E” for her efforts. Now, on to the convention.
Ah the convention! By many standards, that was one bizarre convention. Thrice married incestuous (his first wife turned out to be his cousin) seral philanderer, former mayor Rudolf, was the purveyor of the “strong and steady” message, while another thrice married serial philanderer, former House Speaker Newt, who served one his ex-wives divorce papers as she lay ill on her hospital bed, recuperating from cancer treatment, delivered the message on integrity! Girls and boys, you can’t make this up. And it doesn’t get any better. The burly, bridge-closing Guv Christopher, who really should concern himself with the possibility of indictment and prison time, was the prosecutorial bearer for the law and order message!
The Republican Convention was lacklustre at best, mainly because it was underwhelming in comparison to the huge expectations set by Manchild. Over promise and under deliver. Typical Manchild.
Arguably the finest moment of the entire convention was when Trump emerged from the fog to introduce his beautiful bride Melania, the mother of Baron. Until it wasn’t. She spoke with that exotic and exquisite accent that dreams are made of. She spoke very passionately about the American dream, how hardwork and respect for others would pave the way for success and prosperity, etc. etc. but alas, by the dawn of the next day, we learned that Melania was merely a disguised hologram of our elegant and beloved FLOTUS!
In American presidential election history, there are a handful of different themes that parties and candidates have adopted thematically. Examples include the desires to frame elections either as a referendum or a choice, as either of the past or for the future, for continuity or change. It has always been incumbent upon the challenging candidate and party to identify and gin up any and every thing bad about the country and lay them squarely by the feet of the incumbent, that is, if the incumbent is of a different party. This tactic plays mostly to two of our proclivities as the American people. First is our extreme insatiability. No matter how good things are, we the people expect things to be better. Secondly, we the people have a uniquely unusual short memory span. We the people quickly forget whether things were better or worse; we just know as of today that things can be better than they are. That is why politicians have the gumption to freely and openly proclaim that we live in more perilous times than 8 years ago, when our economy was shedding 800k jobs/month, with a double-digit unemployment rate.
Anyways, Manchild Trump and his convention pushed the doom and gloom angle so far that if you didn’t know any better, you’d suddenly come to the realization that you actually live in the Central African Republic!
In all fairness, it wasn’t all doom and gloom at Trump,s convention. One prominent sliver of sunshine was shone by the Trump kids. It quickly became apparent that his adult children and quite possibly, his 11-year old too, are much more matured, sensible and temperate than their famous father. And that is by no means a dig at Manchild; it’s many a parent’s wish that their children surpass them in intellect, stature and accomplishment.
Although the Republican party made some significant gains in the last few congressional election cycles, it woefully failed in the last two pursuits of the big Kahuna – the White House.
In came the new RNC sheriff, the man from Wisconsin with an unusual name, Reince Priebus. Far more capable and disciplined than his predecessor, Priebus ordered and performed a political autopsy – an implicit admission that the Grand Old Party was in dire need of a ressurection. They determined cause of death to be the failure to grow their tent and the manner of death is the rapidity of the demographic change (Obama’s words). The alpha dog adult white male is gradually being tamed and replaced by women (53% of electorate), a significant minority of African, Asian and Latino Americans, that would constitute about 30% of the vote in 2016 and of course the teeming youth vote – when they show up! Priebus and co put forth very clear measures to remedy their lot. This included major outreach to minorities, particularly the Latino populace, which happens to be our fastest growing minority ethnic group. The RNC also prescribed a soft tuning of their rhetoric regarding women, especi ally concerning their healthcare and reproductive rights and decisions. To be clear, this wasn’t a call to abdicate all of their cherished platform objectives, but an attempt to blunt some of the sharp edges so they’re more palatable and less off-putting. Eustace submits to you girls and boys, that if the primaries were to be held starting today, smart money says Priebus and the RNC would pull all the stops to ensure Trump’s candidacy doesn’t see the light of day. And they would’ve been justified. Why? Because Trump is the pure unadulterated antithesis of the platform and policy prescriptions of the RNC going into this cycle. And it wasn’t like he sprung a surprise on the RNC. He showed his hand from the onset. When Trump launched his campaign, he made it crystal clear that he either wasn’t aware of the GOP platform proposals or he consciously chose to ignore and make poopoo of them. Either way, the RNC and the other candidates-turned-prognosticators basically sat tepidly by and hoped the ultimate flamethrower will himself flame out before long. All well and good, except that hope isn’t a tactic, strategy or plan. There’s also ample evidence that the RNC rank and file didn’t have a good gauge of the % of their constituents were enraged and fed up (she says deplorable, Eustace says angry, she says 50%, Eustace says higher. Same difference)! That is until Manchild emerged, able and willing to champion their (deplorable) cause. The caustic Trump then emboldened them to openly emerge and take a front row seat in the most fact-free and hate filled campaign in living memory.
One of the most profound lessons to be learned from the Trump kerfuffle is that monumental changes oftentimes don’t result from seismic events, but instead from drip drip seemingly benign moves, that gradually normalize and legitimize alternate realities by blunting our sensibilities to change and all this while the people in the know develop an anaemic “let’s wait and see what happens” posture. It is the aggregate of a multiple of these events that lead inevitably to monumental change. That is true for many dictators past and present. And that is true of the emergence of Trump.
Manchild Trump has plugged and occupied the gaping gash that represents a certain breed of near-fanat’ic loyalists to whom Manchild can do no wrong. Manchild acknowledged them when he pronounced that he can commit a homicide in broad daylight and wouldn’t lose a single one of them! So girls and boys, you see it’s not unimaginable that they neither pay attention nor care about his ever changing tales and positions. Take the matter of Putin for example. In 2013, he (Manchild) “knew” and had a “relationship” with Putin. Manchild said he talked with Putin both “directly and indirectly.” Putin was so gracious according to Manchild, he “couldn’t have been any nicer.” Those same sentiments were repeated in 2014 and maintained until recently when the Putin rhetoric changed to “I never met Putin. I don’t know him. If never talked to him. He’s not my best friend. But he’s a “Great Leader.” And btw, so is lil’ Kim of North Korea!” Much like his unreleased tax returns, we the people woul d probably never know the nature or extent of Manchild’s entanglements with Russia and Putin..The fact that he can’t get himself to utter even a halfway critical word about Putin is worrisome and leaves some experts wondering if Manchild has been had by the Russians, forcing him into an involuntary friendship with Putin. We may never know. And hopefully, we’ll never care.
Traditionally, one of the most important activities a nominee engages in going into the convention is to preside over the platform definition process. Manchild and his camp left the platform untouched, save for one notable change – the RNC’s policy regarding Russia and Putin. Of course! The RNC’s Russia policy not only softened US stance on Russia for her ultra-aggresive behaviurs of late, but also absolves Manchild’s idol Putin and his Mother Russia of any wrongdoing both in the annexation of Crimea and the Russian incursions into Eastern Ukraine. This shift was brokered by Trump’s one-time campaign manager, a political mercenary, Paul Manaford, who until recently was in the employ of deposed former Ukranian president who essentially was a Putin mannequin! Manaford is wanted in Ukraine on corruption charges.
On the final night of his convention, Trump mounted the podium and gave a rambling hour and 15-minute speech in which he surmised that having been part and parcel of what ailed the nation, therefore, “I alone can fix it.” Eustace doesn’t know how compelling that proposal is. Should ho lose, would he return to nis nation wrecking ways?
When he was done, down came the confetti and the balloons. And with them, the GOP!
The transition was complete. The party of Lincoln, the party of Ike, the party of Reagan, had become the party of Trump. That’s right. Donald John Trump, a rolling stone.
And moss is good!
And the people said:
Thomas Jefferson: Give me Liberty or give me Trump!
Abraham Lincoln Four score and two dozen and half days ago, you people appealed to your worst angels and turned over the party of me to an ignorant loonie! Ok that’s not cool and you must immediately emancipate yourselves and course correct at once!
John Wilkes Booth: Are you ready sir?
Abraham Lincoln: Affirmative! And use the Remington AR-15. Works pronto!
FDR: The only thing to fear is Trump himself!
Eisenhower: Beware of the Trump military industrial complex. Else, he nukes our European allies!
JFK: Ask not what you can do for Trump, but ask instead what the hell you have to lose if you elect Trump (which = everything).
Nixon: The question on everyone’s mind is whether or not your nominee is a crook. Well, he is. And a perve too!
Ford: There is no Trump domination of the Republican deplorables!
Reagan: There’s an unmistakable action you can take to show absolute contrition. Americans, tear down this Trump!
GHW Bush: He bullied my boy Jeb. Read my lips – “Hillary! Hillary!! Hillary!!!”
Willie Jeff (Bill Clinton): I did not have any sexual relationship with that woman, Ms. Lemania. Those allegations are false! Look at her. Look at her words! What do you think? I don’t think so. Too pretty! I focus on less pretty women! She wouldn’t be my first choice!
GW Bush: Trump fools us once, then shame on them and he does it again then shame on we, no? Arg! Still can’t get it right! Mission accomplished!
Trump: The 2020 election is absolutely rigged tremendously and bigly. That I can tell you! I’m truly rich!
Brighten your day.