By Eustace C. Jackson.
February 11, 2016.
Greetings gals and boys. Here Eustace comes again!
Kanye West is a very talented and successful rap artist. In the unlikely event that you’ve never heard of him, just think the husband of Kim Kardashian. Aha, yes him. In one of his first attempts to sign up to a recording company, he warned studio executives to not miss the golden opportunity to sign him up because in his words, “i’m gonna be bigger than Michael Jackson”! Many years later, he explained that what sense would it have made if he had instead said he’d be bigger than Tito Jackson? And so it is that republican candidates extol their abilities to be the David that would slay Hillary the Goliath and not Bernie! A little too presumptuous? We shall see!
In political terms, these are very strange times! On the democrat side, a septuagenerian Independent Senator from Vermont, who looks more like an ex-president than an aspirant, is all the rave! Running as a Democratic Socialist, he, like the Pied Piper is blowing all the right tunes and the exuberant kids are in tow without bothering to realize that about zero of his revolutionary and populous proposals will meet the muster! He has a famous look-alike that keeps us entertained. He may however need to channel another look-alike, Doc Emmett Brown to go back or forth in time to deliver his Utopian message!
After battling Hillary the Great to a standstill in the Hawkeye state’s caucuses, he took her to the cleaners in the neighbourly Granite state of New Hampshire. And yet, the folks in the know have made unequivocally clear that his run essentially capitulates henceforth from its current zenith. Afterall, they point out, Bernie only beat Hillary by a mere 22 percentage points! Yes, that is the oddity this 2016 presidential election cycle.
On the GOP side, Senator Ted Cruz had put in the work required of a serious candidate, campaigning in all of the 99 counties in the great Hawkeye state of Iowa. And still trailed Donald Trump by a significant 7 points going in. Team Cruz, not to be outdone by a loudmouth billionaire, put his formidable ground operations into high gear. And then complemented it with some shenanigans that siphoned some of Dr. Carson’s votes. Hey, Cruz apologized afterwards, so it’s all good! And really what good is a few thousand votes to a near-comatose Carson campaign? Trump’s resounding victory in NH largely corresponded to the polls in what appears like a course correction. Meanwhile, the speech Senator Marco Rubio gave after his third-place finish? Eustace can’t imagine it being any different if he had come in first. And for good reason too. The RNC is still deeply in search of the alternative to the frivolous Trump and the acerbic Cruz, the one on whom to focus their doting gaze and thei r deep pockets! Rubio appeared to be that one. But in the spate of a 2-hour debate just a few days after his virtual coronation, he irrepairably mangled and destroyed his own crown. How? He jammed his latest (dumb) talking point tight up his cerebellum and set it on auto-repeat. And guess who called him out on it. The bridge closing governor of New Jersey, who essentially does the same thing bragging about how he’s had his way while surrounded by the often uncooperative blues! Rubio is now a self-damaged good, fighting for survival, fighting for redemption.
Thus far, the Hawkeye state claimed Martin O’Malley, Huckabee, Santorum and Paul, leaving Fiorina lonely on the kiddies table (though governor Jim Gilmore made another brief cameo). New Hampshire put her out of that misery. Fiorina, it seemed, always felt the GOP should match the presumed Dem nominee gender for gender for the ultimate cat fight for 1600, but unfortunately she had to scale through the pissing contest primaries to get to the cat fight! The Granite state also crushed Christie’s run to a screeching halt. Carson, with his 8th place finish (out of 8 candidates i might add), has vowed to forge on, citing the immense pressure from his “millions” of supporters to stay in. If true, it doesn’t speak too well of his backers. Eustace says let the “ok doctor” carry on with his book tour without the luxury of the taxpayer financed Secret Service detail.
Having said all that, Eustace will proceed to make the case for the two likely nominees; Hillary Rodham J. Trump!
First, Donald Trump.
The primary reason Eustace expects Trump to emerge from the republican circular firing squad is simple. Ego! Eustace predicts that everyone but Carson stays on into “Super Tuesday”, giving enough vote splintering for Trump to win.
Every once in a while, for better or for worse, the ever-transforming American society experiences an epochal event that adds even more flourish to the ever colorful mosaic that is the exceptional American identity. Some notable ones include the Emancipation Proclamation, Bill of Rights, Women’s Suffrage, Civil Rights Act, Social Security, Japanese Internment, Brown v Board of Education, Watergate, WMD, the Obama candidacy (yes we can) and Obamacare. What makes these events epochal isn’t simply because they make it into the American lexicon, but primarily because they leave indelible footprints on the American body politik, for epochs to come. For the good ones, we wonder what life could’ve been like without them and for the negatives, we recoil and ask why. Girls and boys, Eustace submits to you the epoch-making presidential candidacy of the real Donald J. Trump. Trump is not unique because he’s wealthy and ostentatious, or belligerent, or brazen or vitriolic or vindictive, or obstinate, or petty or sexist, xenophobic, bigoted, dismissive, vulgar, uncircumspect or disrespectful. No. It’s because he’s all that put together. And much more. He launched his campaign with a caustic castigation of undocumented immigrants, vowing to deport all of the 12 million of them, wall us in and have Mexico pay for it. He more recently directed his ire towards Muslims, releasing a communiqué, demanding that Jihadist inclined Muslims be exempted from entering the US until we figure out “what the hell is going on”! How do you plan to implement that O great one? Very easy. In January, the Trump campaign set up a rally in Bernie country in Burlington, VT. Entry criteria was the result of a simple litmus test: “are you a Trump supporter”? A “yes” answer gets you in. So just ask them. Kapisch!
Time to switch gears.
Thus far, Eustace appears have rendered a scathing repudiation of Trump, as if to say he has no positives. You’d think he was Lucifer’s mini-me! Quite the contrary. By vocalizing the vile bile many only dare think about, he has become the voice and advocate of a significant minority who hitherto were neither identifiable nor represented in government. That is nothing but a huge win for democracy. If you’re paying as much attention as Eustace is, you’d recognize two very important revelations Trump’s candidacy has brought to fore: there’s room in our political system for at least another major party and that party isn’t the much touted Independent party (sit your a** down Bloomberg and imbibe a 32 oz slurpee with free refills sil vous plait)! If you factor the ardent and loyal support that both Trump and Sanders have garnered, you may infer, as Eustace has, that there’s ample room for an outside right and outside left parties. Many self-identified Independents or Centrists are simply lazy laggards who would stand for nothing and fall for anything! They simply haven’t taken the time to compare and contrast the opposing viewpoints and records.
The self-funding Trump by all indications is a fearless warrior. Beholden to no one, he has demonstrated a willingness and ability to take on seasoned immovable objects and emerge victorious and unscathed. Standing up to Fox News was particularly endearing and showed how far he’s willing to go to stand his ground. In that light, all of those aforementioned vices suddenly become strong virtues, if he’s being all of that on our behalf. You’d rather have that mean guy on your team than play against him!
Never in the rich history of American presidential politics has a candidate cited his immense wealth as a major qualifying attribute. Wealthy contenders usually go to great lengths to portray themselves as everyday blokes in an effort to dispel the oft-leveled charge that they’re “out of touch”. Not Trump. He would schedule a “fly by” and his enamored and enraptured supporters would assemble and cheer frenziedly as his jet flies by. Trump’s narrative is that he, by way of his sharp instincts and acumen, built a humongously successful business, from nothing but a paltry million-dollar loan from daddy! He will use that same skill set to make the rotting US be great again! And it’s selling like hot cakes. One thing is for sure, Trump will build an impenetrable wall and for a bargain price. And Eustace, strange as it may appear, believes he would make Mexico pay for it. Somehow. Although there isn’t much evidence that he’s been successful at much else outside of real estate, that is by no stretch a disqualifying factor, because he’s reportedly a very hardworking, passionate, smart, and relentless dealmaker who always drives a hard bargain. Add to that a huge ego and you get a man who would do anything to fulfill his own prophesy to be “the greatest jobs president God ever created. Believe me”. And Eustace believes him. His ROI for his candidacy has thus far been outstanding. Eustace also believes Trump would realize the folly of his positions on Muslims and undocumented immigrants and pivot away from such demagoguic static and actually galvanize “we the people” behind the patriotic goal of “winning again”.
Win or lose, presidential politics shall for a long time to come be perceived as BT and AT – Before Trump and After Trump! That is what epochs are made of. And consider yourself privileged to be a witness to DT – During Trump!
Eustace surmises that a Trump presidency would result in economic growth, strengthened military and potentially a few military tussles and skirmishes with adversarial nations. Eustace believes that countries such as Iran would think thrice before needlessly arresting and humiliating our sailors. Eustace also predicts an incessant verbal brawl with the legislative branch and possibly the judiciary as well, especially if they’re controlled by the opposition. Plus who really wants to go up against a serial twitterer always gunning for a fight? There wouldn’t be a dull moment during a Trump presidency.
Considering that there probably won’t be another Trump for eons to come, why not take the golden opportunity before us and inaugurate him already? Just for the heck of it! Think about it. Just for the heck of it! Just for the heck of it!
On to Madam Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Hillary Clinton is arguably one of the top ten most recognizable and well known people on earth! Definitely the most well known Hillary in the world. But at this point in the cycle, to talk about Sanders is to talk about Clinton. And vice versa. Senator Sanders speaks to the yearnings of multitudes who feel they’ve been left out without a fair shake. Sanders has been mayor, congressman almost two decades and Senator the last nine years. What makes his campaign ingenious is what makes it disingenuous. He’s been in the mix long enough to know that his egalitarian dogma wouldn’t pass legislation. And poverty and income inequality won’t be solved by executive fiat. Say what you like, but don’t forget that the billionaire class is an integral part of the investment class and you can’t shame them into spending/investing their money for the greater good. So his massive pie stays in the skies! And in the age legal pot, who knows how deeply and intransigently they bought into Bernie’s myth.
There isn’t much that hasn’t been said about Hillary. It’s easy to talk of her on first-name basis. She has been in the spotlight a long time. It’s what she did outside of and before the spotlight that is very telling of her selfless and benevolent character. Straight out of Yale law school, Hillary was seeking, finding and advocating such unglamorous causes as separating juvenile offenders from adult prisons, voter education and voter registration of minorities. This is what integrity is made of. And when she got the public mantle by virtue of her spouse, she unrelentingly fought for Universal Healthcare and eventually settled for a program that covered 8 million children. And she’s heard it from many angles and as she says on the trail, she has the scars to show for it! Today she is dogged by the suspicions dishonesty, for no apparent reason. This after having been skewered, mostly by women I might add, for staying put with her cheating husband, to which Eustace says if you r husband hasn’t cheated, it may be because he hasn’t been caught or because he hasn’t been successful – certainly not from a lack of effort or desire. In the most part, not everybody.
Madeline Albright was our first female Secretary of State. She was appointed by President Bill Clinton, the same President who appointed Janet Reno, our first female Attorney General. Both appointments had the urging and backing of then FLOTUS, Hillary Rodham Clinton. And since then, these powerful and sensitive positions have routinely bee held by women, including ironically Hillary herself. And that is what drives Eustace red hot chilli-pepper mad when he hears some young women say things like “i’ll like to see a woman President, but not Hillary” or “I just don’t trust her”, or “i’m not feeling her”. From Eustace to you; because you live in an era of female legislators, governors, CEOs, Speaker, VP candidate and high level ambassadorial and cabinet positions and have chosen to disregard how hard women (such as Hillary) and men of goodwill fought for these advancements. Late last year, Taiwan elected her first female president. Germany, South Korea, Liberia, Brazil, among o thers currently have female leaders, while nations like Britain, Australia, India, Pakistan, Thailand, Israel, Argentina, the Philippines and many others have had women leaders. The US is lagging far behind the times. What many don’t realize is that there remains a serious institutional discrimination against women, an ill perpetuated not only by chauvinistic men, but also by somewhat docile and complicit women, who seeming subscribe to the archaic notion that woman should stay in the background and shut the *u*k up. Well, Hillary isn’t one to stay timidly in the background and shut the f*c* up! To the angst of the “vast right wing” conspirators, who have fought, smeared and denigrated her for decades. But she stands still. Upright too!
Now on to the head-to-head between Clinton and Trump, former friends. Both candidates are gearing up to make history. Should Trump win, he’ll rack up a number of firsts. He’ll be the first uber-wealthy candidate from the exclusive multibillionaire class, who took the time to brawl with ordinary mortal “lightweight” politicians, emerge victorious, making the top job on the globe his very first elective position, after having spent next to nothing! Should he win!
On the other hand, should Hillary win, that would be a validation for the need for experience, in which case, 12 years as First Lady of the state of Arkansas, 8 years as FLOTUS, a stint as Senator from the state of New York, an unsuccessful run for POTUS followed by a stint running State is a heck of a lot of experience, unmatched by any other. One more thing. There’s a reason why our Presidents have Secret Service details for life. That reason is the fact that they have heard, seen or have knowledge of such sensitive matters that make them among others, national security treasures. They’re Presidents for life. That is why they get on the speaking tour and get paid megabucks to speak, by folks who would also pay nearly as much to not hear you speak. Yes, you! For egotistic reasons, Presidents hardly consult other Presidents. However, we’re about to have two Presidents share the same bed. At the same time! Imagine the pillow talk!
In the final analysis, Eustace had suggested “we the people” should perhaps crown Trump already, just for the heck of it. The problem is, we have no hecks left. Gals and boys, we’re completely heckless! GW blew through our heck reservoir and so we don’t have any hecks to spare. What we need is an experienced steady handed Commander-in-Chief, who’s had a front seat and deep understanding of domestic and global matters, someone who has the adulation and respect of friends and the respect and fearful deference of foes and fiends, someone who understands that we have many other levers of power and influence besides our military, who understands that the sustainance and expansion of the middle-class and small business is the optimal way to a lasting dynamic economy, who understands that a little more neighborly love and tolerance and compassion would go a long way. Someone who can continue to replenish our reservoir of hecks so that we can afford a future Trump! Boys and girls, this is Hillary time!
A Hillary v Trump presidential contest will be a classic clash of titans with unprecedented turnouts, in part because hardly anyone is neutral towards either. Eustace says as follows; win or lose, one of them is about to be the best President America never had!
Overall, Eustace tips the advantage towards madam Secretary, mainly because pivot all he wants in the general, Trump will come to realize that though they’re being handed the short end of the stick, our Hispanic kinfolks have a long memory! But it’ll take the whole village including the entirety of the vaunted Obama coalition to get past the finish line. Hopefully, Sanders wouldn’t have mind-screwed the youngsters enough to make them sit it out.
Finally and perhaps most importantly, women must arise and be counted. You are the majority of the population, the electorate, new college enrollments and in a few years, the plurality of college graduates! Yet you have a disproportionally low representation in government, workforce and about anywhere that counts. And you’re still paid 79 cents of men’s dollar, despite the fact that the very first bill President Obama signed to law – the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, was geared towards income equality for women. This from Eustace to you: for a woman to become POTUS, she has to be extremely and unabashedly and monstrously wicked! Wicked smart? Check! Wicked educated? Check! Wicked strong and thick skinned? Check! Wicked perseverant and resilient? Check! In short, wickedly wicked experienced and qualified? Check! If Hillary doesn’t make it to the Oval Office this time, we may yet get a female president in the future, probably right after a Saudi Arabian Queen Regnal! So it’s tim e to stop all the foolishness and align behind the only candidate who has steadfastly advocated the cause of women because, like she’s said uncountably, “women’s rights are human rights”!
And if you don’t, be prepared to explain to your daughters and granddaughters why you didn’t when you could. And that would be your special place in hell! That i have to tell you. Believe me!
Hello hello hello madam President!!!
We the people say:
Trump: Hillary don’t want any part of me, believe me. Cruz is a maniac, Rubio is a kid, Carson is an ok doctor, Rand Paul is ugly, and so is Fiorina’s persona, Jeb is energyless and my hair is mine! I’m very rich, that i must tell you.
Hillary: “we the women” and “we women of travelling pants”, lets join hands, sing kumbaya and get this thing done already! It’ll be 2036 before Chelsea is ready to run. Do you really want to wait that long for the first female US president?!?!
Koboko: the best president America never had? Can’t let that happen! We must have a co-presidency. Hillary by day, clock out by dusk, Trump take night, weekend and public holidays!
ECJ: genius=koboko and koboko=genius!